Email to friendDear Kate and Emily
Firstly I want to thank you for all your wonderful positive advice.
I have been divorced for 2years now. The divorce was not anything I wanted or ever imagined would happen to us.I have a 9 year old son and I share 50% custody with his Dad. I did everything you are supposed to. I excercised, went to therapy, got medical help with depression, met up with friends, walked for miles, read vast quantities of self help books and even bought a puppy (though that is not advisable!)
I didn't date for a year and then met a lovely man who I fell in love with. We have a long distance relationship and I find that it is getting me down. I know that ultimately I want to share my life full time with someone and as we can not be together until our children are independant I know that I will need to end the relationship.
Over the last few months I seem to slipped right back into incapacitating depression. I can no longer be bothered to go out and I am worried that I will never fully get over this divorce due to the terrible diappointment that I am no longer married to my son's father and I only get to see my son every other week.I just thought that by now I would be feeling better.
Thank you in advance
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This is going to be a
This is going to be a rallying reply to get you up and about again! It's time to get back to seeing friends (I assume the dog sorts out exercise for you?!). Make your self ring one up TODAY and arrange to meet up. Go, chat and then next week phone another one and do the same. It seems as if this divorce thing comes and goes, however many years it is since you broke up, so sometimes you'll be happy as larry and other times not. This is a 'not' time so do those things that worked for you when you were dealing with the divorce originally. From the list of things you give I'd vote for seeing friends as top thing to do. I also think you need to have a jolly good review of lots of the aspects of your life and understand exactly what it is that you want (is it the long distance man in particular, or is it a loving relationship?). Honestly answering that question will have an impact on what you do with other parts of your life. If it's this man then think through how it can be made to work form your side and from his. There's always compromise and practical solutions to be found, it just needs thinking about, talking about and a bit of creative thinking! If it's not necesarrily this man, but love, then get yourself healthy again and focus on joining the world, enjoying it and playing a part in it, and I bet you'll find love and feel very loved and cared about as a result. We have loads of worksheets on this site that prompt you with all sorts of questions to get you thinking around the issues. I'd print them off, get a pen, quiet time and go through them. And as a footnote, I don;t believe that you have to put your own life on hold for another 9 years until your son is 18 if it's making you depressed. There are always ways to balance you and your child - don;t go the other way and leave him with while you party in Ibiza all year, but you can find a way that works so you and he are happy. Good luck Emily