Kate & Emily

It's good your son is keeping calm.  Can you talk to the ex about things from your perspective?  perhaps not without making her angrier and feeling got at?  I knwo this osunds like an almighty plug but if you could get a copy of our book for your ex and your son (so both read the same stuff and no implied crticsm of one or the other from you) then it might help get through to your ex daughter in law the importnance of dad,  parenting together, stopping fighting etc for the ske of the children.  it's very practical and straightforward and gives the motivate and tips and tools on how to work towards it.  I wouldn't recommend it if others hadn't found it useful! 

Hi,
Many thanks for your reply, unfortunatly this was just the last in a long line of petty insidences, that I am sure are on purpose, to make my son's life difficult. The anger is only on one side, I can assure you my son is very calm about the whole thing now. They are going to court over the children, and she evens argues with the judge in court, and sayes no to everything, and has to have a court order to make her let my son see his children. To me the sweet episode is appaling, as it shows little or no respect for the child, she knows it is a long journey for a young child, so maybe she should have been prepared with drinks and fruit. There is no reason I can think of, and as the mother of five, and a Child Development Lecturer, I would consider any mother giving her child that amount of sweets, to be an abuser. I also understand that with out knowing the full facts of the case, it is difficult for you to make a comment. Also that I might be biased in my son's favour, but knowing everything that has gone on, that is easy.

Hello, I assume there must have been quite a bit of agro between your son and his ex as your reaction to the daughter eating too many sweets was more extrem than mine (but then I'm an uninvolved, impartial outsider so much easier for me!).  I agree with yuo that eating 4 packs of sweets in the car is not great, but I'd be very surprised if your granddaughter was encouraged or made to eat them just so she would be difficult to manage.  Don't you think it could have bneen your granddaughter nagging for them and / or her mum giving them to her becuase she herself was feeling stressed about the trip and wanted to 'buy's moe good behaviour?  or not havong the energy to day no?  None of these reasons are good excuses for giving her child loads of sweets, but what I'm trying to say is that it may not have been a malevolent, deliberalty nasty thing to do to get at her ex.   I would assume innocence until proven guilty if I was you. 

It must be hard being the parent watching your son and ex fight and you must naturally feel enormously protective.  I think the best way you can help your son and grand daughter is by encouraging them to work together as parents in a business like way.  they need to stop the agro and hostility and find a way fo working togehter as this will never go away - they'll be grandparents together too!  Go to our co-parenting section and have a look at the co-parenting form and code of conduct and talk to your son about how you think it's time for change.  If you are automatically assuming the ex is deliberately forcing her child to be hyper to ruin her time with her dad then things are bad and unhealthy between you all, and need to be turned around.

Good luck with it all

Emily