Kate & Emily

God i feel for you, and you really need to keep ontop of it all regarding the contact and your fears, and you know that to, though i would do it in a discreet way re your fears, if you appear to top heavy it may cause problems. Your fears though may never happen, but it is natural to have them! it seems that you have a good solicitor etc, so it is important to keep them posted of all developments. you need to do all you can to maintain contact with your son, just in case there is any interference from your ex on that front! I hope she has not changed your sons surname Good luck and stay strong

If I were in this situation I would make sure that my son had no contact with his grandfather . If he abused his daughter like she said then he has given up any right to be around children. (even under supervision) I'am also very surprised by your ex wifes reaction. If she has suffered abuse by her father then her first instinct would be to keep her child away from him. All children are at risk when it comes to a pedophile but a child with autism is especially vulnerable.

Having a child with autism makes life very stressful. I'm sure that it's not easy for your ex wife. Shes obviously dealing with a lot right now. Keep very involved in your sons life. You want to make sure that she has you to count on when she needs a break so that she doesn't rely on her father.

Best of luck

At the end of the day you have a 6 year old son who has become reluctant about his visits to you. Maybe he is worried about the new baby ? maybe it is something else , maybe he just wants to hang around at home .Most children at some point will say they don’t want to visit and to be quite frank we think that it is best all round if children realise ASAP that this time is non negotiable.. Letting them manipulate the visits could really undermine and jeopardize your relationship with him . Children like rules, schedules and boundaries and I think you are right in making sure that the contact happens as arranged and can’t be highjacked , yes under real and valid circumstances when it may be advisable if a visit is rearranged but not like pulling a sicky. If it really is a problem getting him to come now the prirority is to keep your relationship with him positive .Would it be possible for you to spend time with him in his home or in the park nearby or somewhere where he feels comfortable.

I would say calm down and talk to your ex .It feels as though you are really imagining the worst... that they will disappear and so on … the abuse concerns have been a worry though they sound to some extent sorted out, she told you she has changed her name and that the house is on the market so be open with her. Why not ask her where she is planning to move to once the house has sold? That is important to you. Rather than let her know that you have become suspicious keep that relationship positive and working so you need to clear the air in a non confrontational way. I would be careful about revisitning the abuse I really am no expert here but it must have been difficult to go there but she did and has been honest in court and no unsupervised access is now allowed. Who knows? changing her name could all be bound up with this episode and about herself not about her trying to take her son away from you her father. Dreadful awful that piece of history can’t be rewritten so as long as the court order is adhered to I would leave that alone. Maybe she is anxious about your new baby and worried that this child will take love and attention away from her little boy reassure her ., talk to your child , make sure you include him in things to do with the new baby and in no way feel left out , lots and lots of attention. I have no experience of autism and as such don’t know how he feels most comfortable just being with you .

So keep up the contact , ring, write make sure the visits start up again as soon as poss have a calm open chat with your boys mother ask her what she thinks you should do to make your contact with him happen and be good how you can manage the integration of your new child and hopefully the ship will restabilise quickly
Do let us know how you get on

I'm no child psychology expert but I'd say bribery! I know it's not a long term solution but I gather from your email that there are some things going on that are ringing alarm bells so I'd have thought that it was important to re-establish contact with your son ASAP. You know your son and what he loves - how about a day trip somewhere just the 2 of you? Or pick him up saying you're starving and could murder a pizza and ice cream ASAP -does he want to come too?! Or that your football skills are rubbish and you need him to help you sharpen them up in the park. The idea being that you're tempting out with top time with you and not straight off to your house. Go back to your home for the rest of the weekend as a natural progression to the day. I'd tell his Mum you're concerned about letting him refuse becoming a habit and that you'll be tempting him away this weekend with treats. It might also be worth reminding her that the weekend to herself would be useful if she has people viewing the house or she wants time to see new ones. My thinking being that it's always worth reminding people of their own selfish (not just ulturistic) motivations - but again you know your ex and this may be a bad idea? I'd also phone your son a lot during the week - if he's anything like mine he'll be rubbish at making conversation but listening to you and being asked questions about his day will help to remind him that things between you are still normal, you're not cross with him about it etc.. I think you also need to resolve things with your ex - it sounds as if she has stuff going on and may be finding things hard. Have a look at the co-parenting section - I'm thinking about the co-parenting worksheet in paticular,and suggest that you both fill one in and have a conversation based on it - be constructive and supportive, and careful not to be seen to be interfering or critical and you may find that knowing where she is with you on the co-parenting front etc she'll feel more inclined to sta near such a good source of support? Have a look at it and see what you think. Good luck with it all Emily