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Why is This so Hard to Put Into Practice?

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Here we help you to overcome some of the hurdles to putting co-parenting into practice. We know it takes a mammoth effort, and smacks of being far to good to be true. It’s not though, you can have a relationship with your ex that is far from perfect and still get something useful out of doing this.

IDENTIFY PROBLEMS

Clearly what we have explained so far is not rocket science. Hopefully by explaining the rationale behind the thought and showing very clear pay offs for you and your children we have made it something you would like to work towards. But we have heard time and time again…. ‘I just can’t seem to do it ‘ ‘ It is so hard ‘ ‘ It is beyond me ‘ ‘ I know I should be doing this. … But ‘ We need to delve a little bit deeper to find out how you can put the past relationship with the other family members in the past and work towards something new for you all, so that you can reap the benefits.

SORTING OUT THE PAST

This requires some hard work, you need to put past relationships behind you and reinvent a new one.  You need to de-sensitise the people who make it hard for you and regain control of your own life in terms of:

  • Money
  • Sharing responsibility
  • Making time for yourself

YOUR BEHAVIOUR WILL BE HAVING AN IMPACT TOO

  • Find your own way of dealing with your negative feelings
  • Let the other people take responsibility for their own actions and you don’t get involved.
  • Stop trying to influence the behaviour of other people
  • The principle of reciprocity simply says that ‘ you get what you give’. The manner, style, and level you use to engage with people will determine how they respond to you.

Honestly evaluate your style of engagement with the other people in the family and it may help you to begin to understand why you are getting the response you are, which may be upsetting you and destabilising your wonderful intentions. For example….. Do you walk into a given situation expecting to be offended? If so you may find that you are subconsciously determined to find fault with anything and everything going on. You may be a little bit too quick to personalise any act or comment? Or, are you a victim, accountable for nothing? Both these types of behaviour make it difficult to talk to you or deal with you and impossible to achieve anything constructive.

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